Alcohol & Drugs

Hello

You are smoking 15 cigarettes a day to help you destress. There are less harmful ways of helping yourself to feel less stressed. If you think mum and dad are suspicious then they probably know, you will smell for a start off.

Talk to them about how stressed you are and that you are feeling low each day, talking to someone about these feelings will help. You can get some support with this, try and tell someone at school how you feel also.

We don’t want to start giving you a lecture about your smoking as that is not what you came on for, but CLICK HERE to read more about what harm you are doing, then once you have that understanding you can make a decision about how to move forward, smoking or getting some help in another way to deal with your stress.

CLICK HERE for more info about coping with stress.

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Hello

So the guy selling drink to you is breaking the law as he is selling drink to someone under the age of 18 years, if you are selling it to someone under 18 years you are also breaking the law. The first time you were caught with alcohol you would probably have it confiscated and you would be taken home to your parents and a discussion had with them. If it happens again then you could find yourself with a fine and a criminal record which could affect your future, you may find that you could not travel abroad to work with something like that on your records.

Alcohol has health risks, especially when your body has not fully matured. CLICK HERE to read more about this and be certain to be clear about the risks you take drinking alcohol when so young. The law is there to protect you not to prevent you from having fun.

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Hi

Thanks for your question. It can be really hard living with other people, especially if their behaviour impacts on the relationship and you are not comfortable with it.

It's really important to take ownership of your own feelings and reactions first, you need to be clear about what you do or do not want from a discussion and from the relationship. If you challenge him, he will feel judged and on the defensive, so think about how you can have the conversation.

Think about what the issue is....smoking weed seems to be affecting his motivation / energy and smoking after work sends him to sleep. How does that make you feel? What is it you want (him to stop, to not smoke as soon as he gets home, to spend some time with you?....)

When you have sorted out your feelings and needs in your own head, make time for a conversation - not straight after work, but maybe at the weekend when you are both in a relaxed situation. Say you want to chat about something and then talk about your concern and how it impacts on you. Say you want to find a solution that addresses both your needs.

Maybe he is having a tough time at work, or maybe he just wants t relax....and you need to let him voice this, as well as saying how you feel and what you want etc. Hopefully a discussion will result in a good outcome - it sounds as if you have a good relationship and that's important, communication can only make things better, even it it means agreeing to differ.

Check out our infozone on communication HERE

If he is unwilling to communicate, then this is different, you need to make some decisions yourself about what you want from a healthy relationship.

Good luck

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Hi

From what you have told us, this is more about an issue of respect, honesty and trust within a relationship rather than a specific issue. It does seem to be that these important aspects of a healthy relationship are missing. 

We feel you have made a choice based on what is best for you, and what you need from a relationship. It is totally OK, because it is the right thing for you, and that is what is important.

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Hi

We can hear that you are in a difficult situation, where you love your partner, but because she has starting smoking weed, you feel that this relationship is no longer a healthy place for you to be. You seem very clear in your head that you love her, and that you have tried talking to her about the breakdown in communication. Because you are living together it feels like it is a permanent set up, and harder to negotiate.

You have to decide what it is you want and need from the relationship and what your boundaries are. If you can't communicate and she wishes to continue useing weed, then what is it you want? You have to look at your feelings and needs. You can't change her behavior but you have responsibility for your own feelings and actions. You may want her to give up weed, but what if she doesn't want to. Can you live with that, or do you need to change things (finish the relationship, live separately, live with it??)

We would definately suggest that you try having that conversation again. Maybe spend some time thinking through some stuff and make the space. Say that you need to have a serious conversation about what you both want / need from the relationship. Hopefully she will engage, but if not you maybe need to be looking at suggesting a better, healthier way to live. 

It's easy to get caught up in a life, when it might not be the right one. If you are living together then it makes it super hard. You both need to think about and decide what you want. Don't leave it until everyone is unhappy and you can't salvage even the friendship. It sounds as if you have been good for each other and that the relationship has been good, and you shouldn't loose sight of this.

You could also consider couple counselling & you can find out more HERE

We hope this has helped you, please come back if you need more support or just an ear to listen to you.

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